zhen268514

1.请把胡子还给我
A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.
“Two pence,” said the man.
“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”
The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.
“A penny,” said the barber.
“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”
一个卖扫帚的人去理发店修面。理发师从他那里买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修面后，问一下他扫帚的价格。
买扫帚的人说：“两个便士。”
“不，不。”理发师说：“ 我只出一个便士，如果你认为不够的话，可以把扫帚拿回去。”
卖扫帚的人拿回了扫帚，随后问修面要付多少钱。
“一便士。”理发师说。
卖扫帚的人说：“我给你半个便士，如果不够的话，请把我的胡子还给我。”
相亲
2.After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
3.Boss's idea
When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."
由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的，他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。
他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。
当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么？”
“事实上，这就是我们老板的主意，”雇员答道：“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”
4.Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。
“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”
就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？”
5.The Name of a Poet
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today． It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?
我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。这个系统是这样的，她说，假定你要记住一个诗人的名字，例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯，让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗？警察燃烧！ 我明白你的意思，班上的万事通说，但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢？
谁欠谁钱
6.A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.
律师的狗，没有拴而到处闲逛，它来到一家肉店，偷走了一块 烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室，问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉，我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗？律师答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”，律师什么都没说，马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后，店主打开邮箱，发现一封来自律师的信，信上写 道：咨询费250美元。
一个吝啬的家伙
7.Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town.
"Let’s go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven’t been anywhere for a long time."
Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything. "
They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.
Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane.
"Fun flights!" the notice said, " $ 10 for 10 minutes.
Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.
"I’ve only got $ 10, " he told the pilot. "Can my wife come with me for free?" The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, "I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight."
Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.
The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.
When the plane landed, the pilot said, "0. K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free."
"Thank you," Matt said. "It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out."
麦特和妻子住在乡下。麦特很吝啬，讨厌花钱。一天附近的镇子逢集。
“我们去赶集，麦特，”妻子说。“我们很久没出去了。”
麦特想了一会儿。他知道在集市上一定得花钱。最后他说：“好吧，但我不打算花太多钱。我们只看不买。”
他们去集市，看看所有可买的东西。有很多东西麦特的妻子想买，但麦特不让她买。
然后在附近的露天场地，他们看到一架小飞机。
“有趣的飞行。”海报上写着，“10分钟10美元。”
麦特从来没有乘过飞机，所以他想乘一次小飞机。然而他不想付他妻子的票钱。
“我只带了10美元，”他对飞机驾驶员说，“我妻子能免费和我一起乘飞机吗？”驾驶员没卖出多少票，所以他说：“我和你做个交易。如果你妻子不尖叫，也不叫出声来，她就能免费飞行。”
麦特同意了，他和妻子一起登上了飞机。
飞机起飞了，驾驶员让飞机做出各种各样的动作。有一会儿飞机倒着飞行。
飞机着陆时，驾驶员说，“好吧，你妻子没发出任何声响。她就不用买飞机票了。”
“谢谢，”麦特说，“你知道，这对她不容易，特别当她刚才掉下去的时候。”
8.a King from a Knave
George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.
乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·图克，会不会玩纸牌。陛下，图克回答说：在玩纸牌方面，我只不过是幼儿园的水平。我甚至分不清国王和无赖。

[ 本帖最后由 zhen268514 于 2014-9-8 02:17 编辑 ]